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Sunday, November 3, 2013


Former Michigan Football player Desmond Howard will be treated to a special CROW DINNER on a television special made possible by the Michigan State Football team.

Howard commented on the MSU team earlier this season, saying:

"I don't have a lot of confidence in the offense," Howard said. "I think it's bigger than the quarterback. I don't think they have a running back who's a home-run hitter. I don't think they have guys on the edge who they have a lot of confidence in. I think it's still a bigger issue than the quarterback.
"And I think the defense is good. They're not great. They've played against subpar opponents, and then they rack up these big numbers. When they play tougher offenses, they don't shine."
The upcoming program will be called, "A Festival of Crow: Desmond Howard Chows Down", and will feature the big-mouthed football clown feasting on all forms of culinary crow delights.

Howard's meal will begin with a hearty bowl of Alphabet Soup, served so that he can use the letters in the soup to form his own words, which he will then eat. He will dine on Barbecued Crow, finishing with a heaping helping of Humble Pie.

At the end of the show, he will apologize for his unsportsmanlike actions in the Michigan end zone as a senior, shaming the game that made him rich by pridefully posing as an award statue in a blatant pitch to get that award for himself. He will also admit that his Super Bowl punt return for a touchdown was actually made possible by the blocking of his teammates, and not just his own glorious wonderfulness.

The new show is expected to spawn a series of similar programs, with Fitzgerald Toussaint expected to appear wearing diapers and sucking on his own thumb. Wolverines Athletic Director David Brandon will be asked to help publicize the shows by skywriting messages over Ann Arbor that say "We're Blue".

Asked to comment on the upcoming series, current UM Coach Brady Hoke said, "Hey, this is MICHIGAN. I mean, we're MICHIGAN, for gosh sakes. We expect to continue to be MICHIGAN. Now would you please pass me the donuts!"

Howard recently earned "dishonorable mention" as the September chUMp-of-the-month on this web site. Toussaint won the award for October.

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