No more pre-game donuts. No more skywriting. No more woozy QBs.
We wanted to bid him Adieu, with all due respect, so we wrote him a good-bye letter.
Dear Brady Hoke,
I hate how everybody calls you "Brady" instead of "Hoke" or "Coach Hoke". One good thing about you leaving is that nobody will refer back to you by your first name, only your last. That sounds better to me (but maybe a bit hokey).
I do want to thank you before you have to go. (And by "go", I mean "collect".) There are a few things to commend you on:
Thanks for being so calm and pleasant after gut-squeezing losses. You are so much more enjoyable in post-game than your counterpart over in Crisler. That John Beilein is such a whiner. You're not, so thanks.
We're glad you carried on so much about Michigan being so very different and then showed everyone how UM is very average in so many ways. You really illustrated our point.
Thanks for firing up your fan-base. They've been absolutely En Fuego the past month or two! Hope you've been reading all of their on-line comments.
Good to see how you had lots of players getting into lots of different legal problems. Just like always, but with all of your carrying on about that "we're so different" philosophy, it's sort of neat to see that you're not so different after all.
It was fun to watch you rack up all of those "recruiting victories" and then lose more games each year after the first. Hey, speaking of Beilein, did you hear, he didn't have a single player sign to play at UM next year during the normal signing week. So I guess you really beat him, didn't you? Congrats on that, even your worst signing-class was better than ZERO.
Glad to see how you lowered the standards for Michigan Football. Instead of necessarily winning games, now UM can be successful at practicing and traveling and they are all winners.
And thanks so much for talking all the time about how you will stand by your 115 "sons", but when the you-know-what hit the fan with Frank Clark, he was yesterdays news two days ago. You booted him before you even talked to him. Nice.
So you've literally "lived the dream" for four years, and now you're about to receive your formal wake-up call. Be sure to smell the coffee with your next plate of donuts.