University of Michigan Athletic Director David Brandon has declined an invitation to join the administration of President Devin Gardner. The invitation was made by Gardner after he unilaterally assumed the title of "President", albeit only in his own mind, earlier this month. Gardner also believes he is the starting Shortstop for the New York Yankees.
This web site reported on the new United States President last week.
Brandon recently announced that he would not be running for United States Senator, as he was far too busy "thinking about beating Michigan State". Brandon added that MSU is not really a rival to UM, nor do the games with MSU really matter very much, at least not as much as games with other schools, one of which is the "real rival" to Michigan. When asked to name that school, Brandon explained that he's not really very good at geography or spelling, but that he knows the other school is located "somewhere in Ohio". Most observers believe Brandon is referring to Ohio State, but others think he must mean Ohio University, since the Bobcats knocked the UM men's basketball team out of the NCAA Tournament in 2012.
Brandon interrupted his obsessive ruminating about Sparty by declaring that he will also not be running for Secretary of State, Governor, Justice of the Peace, or Dog-Catcher. However, he said he would consider applying to become the first astronaut to land on Mars, but only if NASA would allow him to plant a flag with the block-M on the surface of the planet. Brandon said the M-flag would be appropriate because the words "Mars" and "Michigan" each begin with the same letter, and he says he's very good at remembering single letters of the alphabet, even if he can't remember the full names of other conference schools.
When Brandon was told that Mars was known as the "red planet" due to its appearance being similar to the school colors of both Ohio State and Louisville, he said he was too busy "thinking about beating Michigan State" for any space-trips.
Gardner had no word on who else he may be inviting to join his imaginary new government, but he said once he finished up with a three-game home-stand against the Houston Astros, he would return to the White House to think about it.
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