NOTE TO chUMps: PLEASE TRY TO BE LITERATE

Let's just look at this week as "chUMps Gone Wild" on statewide sports media web sites. If you thought they were dUMb before last weekend, they are busy right now breaking their own records for stupidity.

Seems like every day for a month we see an article where Tom Izzo is quoted on whether he likes UM, hates them, is lukewarm on them, remembers them in any way, or dreams about them every night. We never see John Peeline quoted on these subjects, but only because nobody asks him the same questions they ask to Coach Izzo.

Did you catch that, weasel wannabes? It's the sports media that ask Tom Izzo such stupid questions as, "Will you root for Michigan in their big game against Whoever University?" You might remember that Mark Dantonio is asked each and every year whether he will be rooting for whatever coach UM has at the time (there have been three in football during the Dantonio era) right before "Ann Arbor" plays "Ohio". It's not as if the MSU coaches are calling up sports reporters and asking them to print their comments about a game between two teams that don't include their own squad.

If questions so poorly conceived as these came up during a legal process in an American courtroom, a lawyer would simply say, "Objection", the judge would say, "Sustained", and the ridiculous question would fade away. But not so with our soft-hearted coaches.

Izzo and Dantonio are so nice that they actually answer these dUMb questions. Rather than saying, "Hey Joey Jockstrap, that's a really stupid question", they go ahead and give an answer that makes the most sense to them, only to see bizarre articles appear within minutes on sports web sites.

These articles lead to reader posts that highlight the reality that most Michigan "fans" are illiterate dorks who have been drooling down their shirts ever since NBA player Trey Burke hit the 30-footer with four seconds left against Kansas. (Never mind that Kansas has no coach, since any real coach would have given some other chUMp player his two free throws in the same situation, clinching the game through the use of actual strategy.)

Okay, he's not actually an NBA player yet, but Burke will be later this month. When he leaves along with the former NBA player's son and the five-member senior class, John B. Lyin will be hard pressed to run practices, much less win 20 games. A much better question for Izzo would be, "Tom, you've had so many great players over the years, and some of them have left early for the NBA...how are you so successful at picking up the pieces after great players leave?" Of course, that type of question isn't so juicy to the meat-hungry wolfhounds of sports media.

But that's next season, not this week. For the rest of this week, we have to witness every would-be-wolverine spamming all over themselves with derogatory comments about Tom Izzo and every Spartan player that's ever played on a team that made the Final Four. (Which means every player that Tom Izzo has ever coached for four years, plus a couple dozen more.)

Will somebody please remind the chUMps that their team finished behind MSU in the standings this year (as usual) and that the Spartans outscored them by 22 points in two games this season? Will the reporters ask Johnny B. Cryin if he will be rooting for Tom Izzo to sign those three five-star players he's recruiting for the Class of 2014? If not, why not?

Did anybody ask Brady Hoke how he enjoyed his visit to the Breslin Center this year? Will they ask him if he will be rooting for Mark Dantonio in 11 games next season?

There is an old adage in competitive sports regarding how to behave on the field; "Act like you've been there before". The Wolverine fans we call chUMps are proving to everyone this week that they most certainly have not.




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