chUMp's BIG BULLY CONDUCTS HARD KNOCKS CLINIC (MEDIA DIVERSION COMING SOON)

{Accompanying Music Provided - Press Play at bottom of Post.}

Michigan fans have a multitude of issues to face as they regain consciousness from Saturday's drubbing at the hands of their neighborhood bully. Here are two among many:

• Coming into the season, we heard the "You Suck" song coming from Ann Arbor dedicated to Michigan State. The chorus line was, "Sparty lost it's best five players from last year's crappy squad". Those out of tune chUMps now have to question why Mark Dantonio is able to improve his team under such circumstances with "MAC level recruits" while Brady Hokester seems to be sliding backward with his program.
• Worse for UM is that this was the year they really had to make a Run for the Roses. The window is closing on UM to have a realistic opportunity to make a trip to Pasadena with the new divisional alignment starting in 2014. Beginning next year, Michigan will have to get past Penn State, Ohio State, and Michigan State just to reach the B1G Championship and that may be just too much to expect in Ann Arbor for quite some time. Too bad for UM that Ohio State - - -NOT OHIO - - - is joining their new division.

THEIR NEXT DIVERSION TACTIC

You can see it coming, probably at the Tuesday press conference. The shell-shocked Wolverine-loving mass media will come back at Coach Mark Dantonio to test his loyalty to Michigan.

"Coach Dantonio, your team has a lot to gain by Michigan winning this weekend. You've often spoken of how much you like Brady Hoke. So will you be rooting for your friend Brady and his Michigan team this Saturday when they play Nebraska?"

This is the media's favorite question of Mark Dantonio, because they feel that deep down, everyone should be a Wolverines fan. If he says anything other than he'll be rooting for his number-one rival, they will make his response into a headline and turn it into a story. You may also get these questions from your blue-and-yellow friends, so consider your responses.


BE PREPARED: Spartan Rules On Rooting For chUMps:

Consult these rules when a chUMp win is REQUIRED, meaning

MSU no longer can control the outcome of the standings.

 Click here for a great example of why.

Hint: 2012 SUGAR BOWL

1. First, know that how you root does not effect the result of a game.
2. Second, go rake the leaves. Do not watch the game. This way you are not rooting for the chUMps on a play-by-play basis. That is just sick.
3. Third, check the outcome of the game after it is over and celebrate the championship if the Spartans won it and curse the chUMps if they did not come through for us.
4. Always root for the Spartans.
5. Never root for the chUMps to win anything.

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