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Saturday, January 18, 2014


The 2013 "chUMp-of-the-Year" race has come down to three finalists, Taylor LewanDesmond Howard, and David Brandon. Today we make the case for Howard to be crowned King chUMp for 2013.

Howard's main point of misbehavior in college comes mostly in retrospect, as a more mature consideration of his "Heisman-pose" suggests he was over-the-line with that stunt. But there hasn't been much to complain about with him until recently, as he's been using his commercial sports commentator job to toss around a lot of trash about Michigan State. It was bad enough in September, when Howard was dishonorably-mentioned for his disparaging remarks about MSU Football. But it continued all season, right down to a half-time prediction at the Rose Bowl, in which he called for a runaway Stanford victory. His views on the Spartans placed him so far off the curve, and made him so consistently wrong, that one might think his employer would begin to notice.

We first consider this comment from "Anonymous", regarding the trophy-posing commentator:
"I really believe the vote has to go Desmond Howard. This man sits on a major media platform, watched by thousands of future D-1 football recruits and parent alike. The man is so ingrained in chUMp love that he can't be professional for even the shortest of segments and give other teams their due respect. The man talked about the MSU Defense being "good but "not great", and he referred to the MSU Offense as being inept "because that is Dantonio ball". He stated that Stanford would "run away with the Rose Bowl in the second half" due to the adjustments made at halftime. His hatred for MSU I'm sure goes right to "#No. 1 vs No One", where he dropped the final pass in the endzone to cost UM a possible victory. Pass Interference? Maybe. A pure Drop? Absolutely."
Perhaps the most compelling case for Howard comes from "MadisonMegaPlans", who says:
"Mine is Desmond Howard for sure. He is supposed to be some kind of promulgator of football knowledge, instead he is a poor excuse for what he is supposed to be. Sure, it's entertainment, but for football fans it needs to attain a reasonable standard of expertise minus the bias. From the beginning of the season he downplayed and downgraded the defense. He picked against State when they played UM, OSU and of course the 17 point spread he predicted for a Stanford win. State hasn't given up 30 points since the BCG against Wisc. in 2011. Only 2 teams have scored 28 points over the past two seasons. So Stanford was going to somehow blow us out by 17? It was a totally punk-ass statement that he stuck with through halftime. Keep in mind he is part of a group of UM players from the 90's that have this totally elitist attitude toward the Spartans, stating that MSU should not be mentioned in the same sentence with UM. Any win MSU got back then was the result of some freak play or whatever. He cannot let go of that and admitting the truth in the face of evidence is more than he is capable of. I get nauseated just hearing him speak."
But MSUSpartan76 does not think Howard should get the trophy:
"Desmond Howard is just irrelevant. Someone needs to tell him. Then again, he won't believe anything anyone tells him.
"Desmond Howard is working to be replaced with someone who (a) does not look like a nerd and (b) actually knows something about football."
Howard mouthed-off against MSU all football season, using his paid position to denigrate his hated rival, while claiming the Spartans were only the #3 rival for UM.

What do you think? Should Desmond Howard be anointed King chUMp for 2013? Add your vote by commenting below.

The third Finalist, David Brandon,
will be profiled tomorrow on this web site.

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  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Well, we have the trifecta of chUMps from which to choose. A celebrity chUMp, a NOID chUMp, and a thug chUMp.

    Even the others now no longer in the running had more than the minimum qualifications for this signature status.

    Which is worse: the head chUMp in charge who should be answering for everything involving those "arrogant asses in Ann Arbor" or some nerdy kid with black plastic glasses pretending he is some super star celebrity. No one can convince me that Father Noid had no opportunity or means to keep a chUMp from painting himself urine on national TV for a game in which the Ann Arbor Charm School ball club did not even contend. No one can convince me that Father Noid had neither the means nor the opportunity to curb that thugly skunkbear.

    Words. Let us discard the actions, the images seen. Images do last, but Words carry even greater power in this day and age. Words take on lives of their own. The pen IS mightier than the sword.
    "Same Old Spartans"
    "Little Brother"
    "defense... prove it's legitimate"
    "natural order"

    With some sword play by our record setting coach:

    "Where's the threat?"
    "Pride before the fall."
    "It isn't over."

    Still, the weight of opinions by those informed must carry the day. In short, which opened his mouth while simultaneously covering himself with urine, one of that school's colors?

    Oops. It is still a 3-way tie.

    Actions. Let us discard actions. It was not the skywriting that got Dave Brandon nominate. It was how he handled the aftermath. He lied. He attempted to misdirect and redirect attention. And he failed to step up and call to the UM Alumni to match the Scott Westerman challenge [] - to raise money for the Michigan Ovarian Cancer Alliance (which is based in Ann Arbor). Westerman's wife, Colleen, was cared for at the UM Comprehensive Cancer Center with carboplatin, which was invented at MSU. His words lacked any power and were always aimed at the wrong target.

    Words can damage. Words have the potential for permament damage. It has taken the better part of a decade to shake off the "Same Old Spartans" moniker coined under John L. (Homer Simpson) Smith.

    Taylor Lewan. If there ever was a chUMp that met the description of a skunkbear, it is he. Mean. Vicious. Carrion eater. Coward that spews and runs away rather than stand and fight. Nothing he did or said qualifies as anything more than a cheap shot. When he did utter something, he was never able to back it up. He was simply opportunistic, a bully.

    Then there is Desmond Howard. He dons 1960s era black plastic glasses in a vain attempt to make himself look intelligent, then belies that self-created image every time he opens up his orifice and spews forth his nonsense, his insults, his bias. Well, we know that all chUMps do the same, but what makes Howard special is he gets to do it over and over again on national TV influencing millions of people or at least attempting to do so. It is deliberate, which makes it worse than anything Lewan or Brandon has said. Those two were just stupid. Howard is calculating. Consider also that we are done with Lewan. Brandon will be around for a while. So will Howard. Brandon has controls on him already. That comes with the job. Howard? Just a loose canon that we will have around for a long time.

    So it has to be Desmond Howard. The face of all chUMps on ESPN.

    But not by much. Not by much at all.

  3. Can't top that. By the way, who whooped who worse? The MSU football team over the UM football team. Or Mr. Westerman over Mr. Brandon.

    1. I can't be viewed as providing fodder for every chUMp (particularly the 2% who actually attended UM), so let's trade my earlier periods for question marks.


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