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Friday, January 17, 2014


The 2013 "chUMp-of-the-Year" race has come down to three finalists, Taylor Lewan, Desmond Howard, and David Brandon. Today we make the case for Lewan to be crowned King chUMp for 2013.

Lewan was named "chUMp-of-the-Month" in December 2013, largely based on the police investigation into reports that he assaulted civilians wearing Ohio STATE apparel the night after losing to the Buckeyes in Ann Arbor. Here's what we said back then:
Mister Big Pretty Boy ended the month by losing to Ohio STATE at home and then carrying on about how nothing matters pretty much at all except for "being Michigan". Okay, ugh, what a doofus. Like we haven't heard all that claptrap before.
But it turns out that Mister Bloody Forehead decided to meet up with a few Buckeyes after the game, as in, way-y-y-y-y-y after the game. Like after midnight, the first day of December. Not actual players, mind you, just some fans of Brutus. And he might just have beaten one or two of them up. Maybe a little stomping. He might have had some police protection. Then he went ahead and played in the bowl game. That Hoke is such a strict disciplinarian!
It was Lewan who provoked and pummeled William Gholston two years ago, including the infamous play during which Lewan held Gholston to the ground by his facemask on the backside of a long play while nobody was looking that way. It was after being held down for several seconds that Gholson jumped up and slapped Lewan on the side of his helmet, drawing the penalty. But that was 2011.

In the 29-6 game on November 2nd, Lewan was observed through post-game video review committing multiple un-called penalties, including helmet-twisting on the backside of a long play. That was after he said UM had been "bullied" by MSU in the 2011 game, but before he said it happened again, which he said the week after the 2013 game.

Lewan has garnered some reader support for the nomination. Consider these comments from "Anonymous":
"First instinct is a bright, flashing red blinker over the bloodied forehead of Taylor Lewan. It's so hard to even consider anyone else when you've got that psycho in the mix.
"He very likely attacked some OSU fans (an act not inconsistent with his character), hours after a loss. This followed not-so-nicely his earlier having very likely threatened a female with a re-rape (another act - the threat, at least - seemingly not inconsistent with his character).
"His brutality carried over to his on-field performance, most noticeably during the MSU trouncing of UM.  
"His tortured interpretation of the state of UM Football reflected his own narcissism and delusional elitism (this last being not so uncommon amongst UM faithful). This is perhaps most evident in his comments in the presser after the OSU game. 
"The guy is just dangerous. All the more dangerous considering he seems to have been enabled in his lunacy by AAPD, Hoke and Co., refs, and the press, among others."

MSUSpartan76 was quick to the point, when he said, "Taylor Lewan belongs in jail." He later added, "We expect Taylor Lewan, and Royce Jenkins-Stone to share a cell, with Fitz Toussaint performing janitorial services for their cell-block."

As the process continued and Lewan advanced at every step, our "Anonymous" reader summed up the difficulty of the decision:
"But the wacko-factor compels me to vote for Lewan. Big, nasty, mentally unbalanced (we can assume, given the behavior), with a chip weighing down his massive shoulders, and unencumbered by any semblance of moral restraint. Unless he makes some serious adjustments - with the assistance of professionals - my Chump of the Year might well be wearing prison blues soon enough. That is, if he leaves any witnesses."

Even C-Mann79 has weighed-in on the balloting:
"I cast my ballot for top chUMp of 2013 for our boy Taylor Lewan. I was at Lucas Oil Stadium for this year's B1G Championship and watched the boy wonder accept some offensive lineman award. When 80,000 joined in a chorus of disapproval as his name was announced he had a huge belly laugh as he filled the stadium's big screens.
"Mr. chUMp, you earned these boo's not because you play for a conference rival. You earned them because you continue to call your rival's Ohio and Little Brother. You earned them because you play like you have all ready been drafted by the Oakland Raiders for your dirty play. (Justice would be served if he has to block for his Ohio friend, Terrelle Pryor.) You earned them because of your off the field escapades. You earned earned them because your truly are a chUMp. Your varsity mug shot should be emblazoned next to the definition of a chUMp on this website for the year for you truly earned that designation for 2013."
There has been no further news on the police investigation into Lewan's behavior after midnight on December 1st. The reports that came out on December 24 can be found by "googling" TAYLOR LEWAN POLICE INVESTIGATION.

One final note is to recall the comments Lewan made in the days after losing to Ohio STATE. He basically said, "No matter that we lost, we're still better, na-na-na-billygoat!"

So now we leave it to you one final time, if you haven't commented your vote yet, please do so below.

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  1. Well, we have the trifecta of chUMps from which to choose. A thug chUMp, a celebrity chUMp, and a NOID chUMp.

    Even the others now no longer in the running had more than the minimum qualifications for this signature status.

    Which is worse: the thug or the head chUMp in charge who allowed the thug to continue his thuggish ways? No one can convince me that Father Noid had no opportunity or means to keep a chUMp from painting himself urine on national TV for a game in which the Ann Arbor Charm School ball club did not even contend.

    Still, the weight of opinions by those informed must carry the day. In short, which committed the most frequent or most henious offenses towards MSU should be the only basis on which to vote.

    Oops. It is still a 3-way tie.

    Words. Let us discard words. Sky words. Words spewed by a chUMp urinating on himself on TV. All thrown out.

    Damage or the potential for very real and permament damage.

    Taylor Lewan. Has to be. No real choice. Dangerous and an embarassment rather than just being an embarassment.

    But not by much. Not by much at all.

  2. Were it a legitimate request, I would make it so, but it isn't. Still it bears a footnote at least.

    Add to the list for chUMp of the year, American Airlines and Chicago Ohare. Ineptitude, piss poor planning, negligent management and stupidity in how they process aircraft during winter weather events and how they totally ignore that their passengers, their customers, deserve honesty and a fair deal.

    I spent 2 1/2 hours in planes on the tarmac plus 2 hours in the terminal only to have my flight home cancelled because the backup flight crew also exceeded their flight hour limits. This came about because they believe it is the most efficient method to de-ice the planes with mobile trucks while the planes are at the gate prior to departure. It was a total clusterflop (you all know the real word). So I get to spend a large part of the weekend in a hotel room. So do many thousands of others.


  3. The joke about American Air and O'Hare conducting business out of Hoke's office is tempting, but too obvious. Sorry to hear about your troubles, Spartan76!


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