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Monday, October 27, 2014


University of Michigan Athletic Director David Brandon has struck again! The embattled UM AD has bounced back from the spank-down his team got in Spartan Stadium on Saturday. Brandon announced a new set of sales initiatives shortly after the game finished.

Brandon's announcement came on the heels of a new sales plan presented just last week.

He says the key to the new offerings was his realization that the old games that Michigan used to play are worthless unless they can be re-branded and sold. So UM will be selling key games from their football archives each year.

Sponsors for each game will have their name listed in the official University of Michigan record book, along with media-guides and press-releases. The sponsorship will be similar to that of Brady Hoke, who is officially titled as the "J. Ira and Nicki Harris Family Head Football Coach". (really - not kidding - check the link) So a game sponsor would see their name listed in print as below:

The John Doe Michigan vs Racine, May 30, 1879
The Ralph Johnson Michigan vs Toronto Lacrosse Club, November 6, 1880
The Billy Bob Williams Michigan vs Detroit Independents, March 12, 1883 
The Thomas Jones Michigan vs Chicago University Club, November 22, 1884
The Dan Thompson Michigan vs Peninsular Cricket Club, November 26, 1885
The Jack Spratt Michigan vs Detroit Athletic Club, November 17, 1888
The Humpty Dumpty Michigan vs Ann Arbor High School, October 10, 1891
The Jiminy Cricket Michigan vs Michigan Military Academy, October 6, 1894
The Don Corleone Michigan vs Rush Lake Forest, October 26, 1895
The Abernathy Smith Michigan vs Grand Rapids High School, October 10, 1896

Sponsors will receive historical artifacts from these games, such as the game programs in their original parchment or stone tablet form. In some cases, the actual cow-bladder that was pumped with air and used as a ball is still available from the game. Replica tickets cannot be offered, since there were no tickets needed to watch the local rugby team way back then. No video, of course, and no pictures either, as photographers in those days only took photos of important events.

Experts consider this plan a stroke of marketing genius by Brandon, who realized that Michigan didn't need to win any new games when they already had an existing inventory of games yet to be sold on an individual basis. UM could sell 10-20 old games each year without needing new victories for several decades. Hence, the selection of a Head Coach who makes most people think more about the past than either the present or future. This "primes the market" for sales of the older games. Brilliant.

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  1. Well, Brand-ON will be unable to sell a sponsorship for the head coaching position from back then. In those days there was not even a coach at Michigan, much like today - except that they did not have cheerleaders back then either.

  2. Based on your blog posts, I am certain you've recognized this for yourself. Until UolM gets rid of the business model (product on the field, brand name marketing, etc.) and adapts the program model (teamwork, achieving goals, striving for success), they will continue to fail. The bottom line never wins games. Teams do.

    But, since you seem to have Brand-On's ear, point him at those games from 1901-1905. Those will attack the big bucks, eh?

    Oh, R2G, back then they were called Yell Masters.

    1. Oh. Almost forgot. Yell Masters were almost always guys.

    2. That sound you heard while you were typing in your comment was the hammer hitting the nail on the head. Exactly. You have previewed a future article that is ruminating in my mind under the headline "College Sports Competitions are not PRODUCTS". May not be as humorous as some, but it will be the final word on the U-of-M idiocy.

      Until then, more jokes! Trying to drag as much "comedy" out of their "tragedy" as possible.

    3. Jokes?

      You mean like how many UolM fans does it take to win a ball game?

      105,000 and counting...
      and counding down...

      Oops. Those are just arrogant assess parked in seats versus time.


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