JIM HARBAUGH NAMED B1G CONFERENCE "COACH-OF-THE-MONTH" FOR JANUARY

(originally published on 2-10-15)

Michigan Football Coach Jim Harbaugh has made a great impression since his hiring six weeks ago, although he didn't exactly "hit a home run" on National Signing Day last week. But now he gets a more important distinction, as the B1G Conference has named him "Coach-of-the-Month" for January 2015.

The conference cited several key criteria for the award, not the least of which was Harbaugh's undefeated record on the field. Among the other reasons for the honor:

• Selling recruits on the promise that they can wear a certain, specific, uniform number while being viewed by thousands more spectators on game-days.
• Criss-crossing the country while trying to steal committed recruits from players everywhere.
• His distinguished system for eating cereal in the morning.
• His predilection for wearing khakis.
• His astute foresight in hiring his own son to serve on his coaching staff, despite a glaring lack of experience by his son for the job.

Critics have suggested that Harbaugh really shouldn't be getting any such awards, at least not until he actually coaches his team to a victory on the field. But university officials point out that no such criteria for honor is necessary at Michigan, because just being at UM is an honor in itself. Athletic Director Buddy Hackett points out that Harbaugh recruited himself to be the head coach, and he said that action alone is worth an award by Wolverine standards.

Others in the Michigan Athletic Department have previously been given awards for similar "performances". Quarterbacks Tate Forcier, Denard Robinson, and Devin Gardner all received the coveted "September Heisman Award" in past seasons, and basketball player Mitch McGary received the "Injured Starter" trophy even though he almost never started any game at UM. Former player Desmond Howard also earned the right to "eat crow" in recent years, without ever playing a game. And former Coach Brady Hoke was consistently awarded the title of "Our Lord God" before getting crucified by an angry UM mob as last season ended.

Harbaugh is expected to accept the award sometime next week, in-between eating cereal, putting on his pants, and sending out tweets to mock other team's players.

(SATIRE)

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