DAVID BRANDON HAS A NEW BOSS!

Things are changing for David Brandon. He is still the Athletic Director at the University of Michigan, but now he's got a new boss. Again!

Brandon just got a new boss a few months ago when UM hired a new president to replace the outgoing Mary Sue Coleman. She made her mark in Wolverine athletics history shortly after taking over the job in 2002, when she publicly proclaimed how "ashamed" the university was of their men's basketball program. Then she had a tipsy swan-song during a half-time show and rode off into the sunset.

The new guy is Mark Schlissel, and he doesn't seem to happy that his welcoming fanfare to the Big Boy House featured the sounds of student protests against his A.D. The Beard is apparently wanting to spend his time on all of the academic stuff they do at UM, not the sports junk. So he made his famous six-minute speech against Brandon last week, then let the politicians carry the story forward in the media.

But that's not all Schlissel did last week. He also named Bobby Dishell as Brandon's new boss. Dishell is making his name as the President of the Michigan Central Student Government, and he's none-too-happy with the skywriting antics of Mister Brand-ON. So Dishell will be meeting with the Michigan Man on a monthly basis, just to make sure he stays on track.

This is a great move by Schlissel, as it gives the UM student body a chance to pressure Brandon into making several changes that have been long-supported by those who actually take classes at Michigan. First up was to drop the prices for student tickets, but there are more to come. Among them:

• Make Hoke stop calling the players "kids". These guys are all over 18, and many are over 21. This is "big-boy football", not kiddie-time.
• Make Hoke stop kissing the seniors on the forehead during Senior Day. That's just creepy.
• Offer Hoke's headset to members of Student Council. If he's not using it, why not let the students take a crack at it. Heck, they can probably clap their hands as good as anybody.
• Tell Hoke to stop wearing Halloween costumes during games. Like this one.
• Allow body-surfing contests during the football games. Just like the old days, females and males can be group-groped by a sea of hands on their way up to the top row.
• Bring back the "Naked Mile". This great Michigan event should be sanctioned as an athletic event under the jurisdiction of the Track Coach. They can run one the night before every home game. Fits with the spirit of tradition that UM fans seem to be craving these days.
• Let students play frisbee during the football games. They can use the part of the field that their team seldom uses, the "red zone".

Dishell is expected to implement these changes through Brandon over the course of the next year.

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