DUMP the chUMps (Spartan Resource)

This is the place where the fantasy legends of "Myth-Again" are systematically debunked. This is where "chUMps" are dUMped! We provide a unique perspective on Spartan sports, and we also bring you anti-chUMps humor and highlight actual facts about UM that expose "The Michigan Difference" as "The MythAgain Difference". PLEASE NOTE: The "Spartan Resource Center" is on the left-side column. You can quickly access a wide range of articles from a variety of sources using these links.

Monday, December 1, 2014

"DEAR BRADY HOKE" - THANK YOU VERY MUCH, from SpartanMan82

Well, I guess all good things must come to an end. And so it goes with Brady Hoke. After all, this is Michigan, for gosh sakes.

No more pre-game donuts. No more skywriting. No more woozy QBs.

We wanted to bid him Adieu, with all due respect, so we wrote him a good-bye letter.

Dear Brady Hoke,

I hate how everybody calls you "Brady" instead of "Hoke" or "Coach Hoke". One good thing about you leaving is that nobody will refer back to you by your first name, only your last. That sounds better to me (but maybe a bit hokey).

I do want to thank you before you have to go. (And by "go", I mean "collect".) There are a few things to commend you on:

Thanks for being so calm and pleasant after gut-squeezing losses. You are so much more enjoyable in post-game than your counterpart over in Crisler. That John Beilein is such a whiner. You're not, so thanks.
We're glad you carried on so much about Michigan being so very different and then showed everyone how UM is very average in so many ways. You really illustrated our point.
Thanks for firing up your fan-base. They've been absolutely En Fuego the past month or two! Hope you've been reading all of their on-line comments.
Good to see how you had lots of players getting into lots of different legal problems. Just like always, but with all of your carrying on about that "we're so different" philosophy, it's sort of neat to see that you're not so different after all.
It was fun to watch you rack up all of those "recruiting victories" and then lose more games each year after the first. Hey, speaking of Beilein, did you hear, he didn't have a single player sign to play at UM next year during the normal signing week. So I guess you really beat him, didn't you? Congrats on that, even your worst signing-class was better than ZERO.
Glad to see how you lowered the standards for Michigan Football. Instead of necessarily winning games, now UM can be successful at practicing and traveling and they are all winners.
And thanks so much for talking all the time about how you will stand by your 115 "sons", but when the you-know-what hit the fan with Frank Clark, he was yesterdays news two days ago. You booted him before you even talked to him. Nice.

So you've literally "lived the dream" for four years, and now you're about to receive your formal wake-up call. Be sure to smell the coffee with your next plate of donuts.

Sincerely,

SpartanMan82

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Saturday, November 29, 2014

"DEAR BRADY HOKE" - - - FROM C Mann 1979 (part two)

Turns out the impact of Brady Hoke on our friend "C Mann 1979" was too much for just one letter. Here is a second letter to Commander Clapper:

Dear Coach Hoke,

Since you have been telling your recruited players that it doesn't matter that much who coaches the blue boys, I have a suggestion for you on your impending replacement. Perhaps you can put in a good word on behalf of my recommended candidate for your (old) job.

I am wondering if the new athletic director in Ann Arbor will look for another Michigan Man (in name only like you) or try to find a head coach who can take a storied football program and return it to glory.

I suggest a well known candidate that has been mentioned as a candidate to replace you. But he has a strong SEC background and I know the alumni do not take kindly to the better-than-you attitude from that conference. Also, he followed a former Michigan State head coach both in college and into the pros so he has to have some knowledge of what winning is like especially since that head coach has won two national championships and is in the running every year.

His four year head coaching career in the SEC started slowly with a 7-6 record but that year he won his bowl game against the team you call Ohio. Something that only happens once a decade these days in Ann Arbor. This guy is 1-0 against the Buckeyes.

His second year he finished 11-2 and in the top ten rankings. Sounds familiar for a new head coach.

Then things went south for this once dominant program. They finished 2013 with seven straight losses and a sorry 4-8 record. But the school decided to give the coach and his full bevy of recruits one more chance. Boy, that sounds familiar too.

And this year didn't meet the usual standards even though they are bowl eligible and should finish the regular season 6-5 that including an upset of a top ten team that allowed them to qualify for a bowl game. Something you had trouble doing in all four years at Ann Arbor. Unless of course you win your final regular season game today. Which is about as likely as Appalachian State winning two in a row in front of 100,000+.

Will Muschamp has all ready been released from the University of Florida so he could help with recruiting right away. It's a perfect fit if your future former employers could only accept logic over arrogance.

Most Sincerely Yours,

C Mann 1979

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"DEAR BRADY HOKE" - - - FROM C Mann 1979 (part one)

Our next love letter to Brady Hoke comes from "C Mann 1979", a dedicated Spartan and lifelong Wolverine Hunter if we ever saw one. He offers these farewell wishes to the Merry Michigan Man:

Dear Coach Hoke,

Thank you for your devotion the Michigan football program. You have helped my alma mater more than you will ever realize. I truly look forward to your success in your next head coaching job. I want you to succeed as much as your predecessor has at Arizona. Let the UM Athletic Department continue to think it is their coaching hires that have been the problem.

There are many things I will follow when you get that new head coaching job. Will you recruit four and five star high school athletes and try to be their father by letting them run the show, or will you begin to recruit lesser athletes and mold them into a team like the current B1G coach up the road?

When a student athlete on your team gets in trouble with the law, and they will, do you take decisive action to send a message to your team or continue wait and let the legal system run its course before making a decision?

When you are invited to attend a local high school football camp will you send an assistant and have him turn it into a recruiting trip or would you like him to treat it as a training camp as it was meant to be?

And finally, I will be interested to see if you take your new team to an 11-2 record and a bowl win in your first year without any of your personal recruits.

All the best to you and your future endeavors.

Yours Truly,

C-MANN1979

P.S. One more thing I'll look for once you land your new head coaching job with another team. I wonder if you will look unkindly toward offered recruits who desire to visit other college programs before making a final decision on their college career. Or will that be an attitude reserved only for the Ann Arbor program?

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"DEAR BRADY HOKE" - - - FROM return2glory

Card and letters are flowing in to commemorate the farewell tour of Michigan Football Coach Brady Hoke. (That's probably the last time we type those five words in that order.) We put out the call for well-wishers as The Brady Bunch says "Goodbye, Ann Arbor".

First up is "return2glory", originator of this dual-purpose web site. Here is his sendoff to the donut-lover:

Dear Coach Hoke,

I really appreciated the excitement you created with your highly rated recruiting classes, and the way you could never build on their natural ability. This created a build-up of expectations and excitement, followed by a sharp letdown due to execution errors. Excellent combination!

I also thank you for bringing David Brandon to experience the excitement the crowd and the Izzone creates at the Breslin Center. It was great to have you and him both together to watch Spartan Basketball in person. You picked a great game to attend, as the Spartans handed the "We On" UM men's basketball team a lesson in competitive execution. No other UM football coach has ever come to a home MSU basketball game, so we will always remember you did that.

Also, it was fun watch the budding romance between you and Sparty. Thanks for coming, and also thanks for going!

Yours Truly,

RETURN2GLORY

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Friday, November 28, 2014

WOMEN'S BASKETBALL PROGRAMS MIRROR MEN'S - - - SPARTANS ARE MUCH MORE LOCAL

You'd think those players in yellow jerseys with the word "Michigan" splashed across the front would actually be from the State of Michigan. At least many of them, right?

It's time to think again about those University of Michigan Wolverines. We just discovered that the UM Men's Basketball team has only one player from the Great Lakes State. That's "one" as in the number just above ZERO. Yet the Michigan State Men's Basketball team is made up of nearly 50% home-grown talent.

Then we checked the coaches, and lo and behold, it was just about the same picture. Michigan has one Detroit-born-and-bred assistant, but the head coach (Beilein) and the rest of his staff are outsiders, dropping into the Mitten just for this one job. First-time residents, you might say. But Tom Izzo and his entire staff went to high school in our home-state, and three of the four also attended college right here in Michigan.

So the discrepancy held up, as 55% of MSU players and coaches are local to our state, while only 16% of UM players and coaches came from around here. You have to wonder why they are called the "University OF Michigan", since so few of them are actually from Michigan.

But that's just the men's teams. In the spirit of Title IX, we expanded our view to the Women's Basketball programs at both schools. To quote the famous band Led Zeppelin, in that case, "The Song Remains the Same".

We found that eight out of 13 Spartan women went to high school in Michigan, a total of 62% of the team roster. But down in Ann Arbor, only five of 14 did so, a total of 36% of their team.

State of Michigan Players

5 out of 14 women's basketball players at UM = 36%

8 out of 13 women's basketball players at MSU = 62%

Some people may care more or less about these facts, but they are FACTS. The yellow-and-blue teams are assembled with players and coaches from all over the place, while the green-and-white teams truly represent the State of Michigan.

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Thursday, November 27, 2014

LET US ALL GIVE THANKS TO BRADY HOKE

On this Thanksgiving Day, it's appropriate that we offer thanks to Michigan Football Coach BRADY HOKE, for his four excellent years of service. I still remember that cold January day when his hiring was announced, warming up our chilly Spartan hearts. We could see that Bad Moon Rising for the Wolverines.

Now that the moon is about to set on UM, we would like to thank Coach Hoke for everything he has done - - - and not done - - - as the leader of the Blues. And for that, we would like your input!

Please place your comments of Thanks for Hoke in the comment section below this article. We will add your thoughts to ours as we prepare a message of Thanksgiving, to be posted within an hour of the announcement that Brady Hoke has been fired.

Be sure to get your comments in right away, as the hours are dwindling on the Hoke Era!

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UM COACH JOHN BEILEIN, "WHINER-IN-CHIEF"

FOR THE UPDATED TEXT OF THIS ARTICLE

PLEASE CLICK HERE

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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

MSU AND UM BASKETBALL PROGRAMS ARE FROM TOTALLY DIFFERENT PLACES

We recently found out that the University of Michigan Men's Basketball team has only one player from the State of Michigan. The Michigan State Men's team, by comparison, has 44% of its roster from the Great Lakes State. (UM has five times as many Indiana natives as home-state players.)

So we expanded our view to the coaching staffs of both teams. Turns out to be a similar picture. All four MSU coaches went to high school in Michigan, and three of the four also attended college in-state. The Spartans also have the only coach who attended school where they are now coaching.

The Michigan Staff includes one assistant with a pure-bred Detroit background, and one with split credentials. The other two Wolverines coaches (including John Beilein) appear to be working their first job in the Mitten.

MSU Coaches

Izzo - Iron Mountain High School and Northern Michigan University
Fife - Clarkston High School and Indiana University
Stephens - Ferndale High School and and Michigan State University
Garland - Ypsilanti High school and Northern Michigan University

UM Coaches

Beilein - High School in Lockport (N.Y.) and Wheeling College (W.Va)
Meyer - High School and College in Indiana
Alexander - High School and College in Detroit
Jordan - Albion High School and Butler (IN)

So the comparison is two-out-of-four locally-grown coaches for UM and four-out-of-four for MSU. We combine the player and coach totals below.

Michigan State Men's Basketball Team - 11 out of 20 = 55%

Michigan Men's Basketball Team - 3 out of 19 = 16%

The Spartan Men's Basketball team is more than three times as local to the State of Michigan as their counterparts at UM. And, as it turns out, the picture is the same with Women's Basketball. More on that tomorrow.

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TODAY IN chUMp HISTORY: NOVEMBER 26, 1885

While the Michigan football team prepares to be hammered like a nail by Ohio STATE this weekend, Wolverine fans everywhere are heading for the hills and calling for the heads of coaches, players, and administrators. In other words, "It's a great day to be a Michigan Wolverine!"

At least that's what I heard their young fans singing about after the 2007 game at Spartan Stadium. Singing very loud, I might add. Right at us, as we left the upper deck, all the way down to ground level and off into the night. Little did we know that little Mike Hart was crowing about "little brother" at that same moment in the post-game press conference.

Those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end. BUT THEY DID. And now the shoes are on the other feet. Blue and yellow shoes, about to be stomped into the ground again by Scarlet and Gray cleats. Here come the Buckeyes, ready to work on an "Urban Renewal Project" at the Horseshoe.

So the Bluebloods are a bit depressed right now. If you know any of them, we have a way you can cheer them up! You can remind them of past history, you know, like "yesteryear" and old newsreels and such. And we all know how much they love to live in the past.

Just tell them about this date in history, in 1885, when the UM Rugby team scored a great victory over the "Peninsular Cricket Club". That's right, a rugby team played a cricket team and four score and seven years later, they relabeled it "football" as part of a promotional t-shirt campaign that never seems to end.

We're talking about the so-called "All-Time Wins Record"

for college football, the main claim to fame

by fans of Michigan football.

They have counted up some seventeen-quadra-zillion "wins" in their history, and are all too willing to remind anybody within earshot just whatever their current number happens to be at the time. And they're counting the big win over the "Peninsular Cricket Club" right there with any wins against Ohio State, Notre Dame, and their "number three rival", Michigan State University. It must have been quite a game.

The UM rugby players scored two "rouges" to go along with their touchdowns and field-goals for a 42-0 win over the boys from Detroit who reportedly had never practiced the new sport. The PCC specialized in baseball, tennis, and bicycling, and later became the Detroit Athletic Club.

Nobody led the team in tackles, as they were not allowed.
Nobody led the team in forward passing, as those were not legal.
No coach got credit for the win, because there was no coach.

After the season, the UM student newspaper criticized the team for playing low-quality opponents. But hey, a win is a win, and it capped-off one of those "undefeated seasons" after two wins against Windsor earlier in the month.

Two wins over some Canadians and

a beat-down on a cricket team equals 3-0, and

another "undefeated season" you can read about on t-shirts.

So when Brutus rips the snot out of the Wolverines on Saturday, you can still cheer up your Michigan fan friends by raising a toast to that great win over the cricket-playing Detroiters in 1885!

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Tuesday, November 25, 2014

MICHIGAN STATE MEN'S BASKETBALL TEAM IS STATE-OF-MICHIGAN-BASED

While getting ready for basketball season we noticed the University of Michigan has only one player from the State of Michigan. There's a surprise!

So we checked on Michigan State and found that close to half (44%) are playing college basketball in their home state. Seven out of the 16 Spartan players graduated high school in Michigan. That's not a surprise. Without checking every MSU team roster from the past 40 years, I would guess that they all had a preponderance of players from the State of Michigan. It's always been that way.

UM has 1 of 15 players from Michigan - 7%

MSU has 7 of 16 players from Michigan - 44%

This fact may matter more or less to various people, but it stands as consistent with the general comparisons between the two schools. In general, Michigan State tends more towards close connections to local areas, while Michigan seems to be based largely outside of the state.

When we checked the coaches for both teams, we found the same pattern.

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Monday, November 24, 2014

MICHIGAN MENS BASKETBALL TEAM NOT EXACTLY A "MICHIGAN-MADE PRODUCT"

We hear a lot about "Pure Michigan", the state-sponsored advertising campaign to promote tourism in the Winter/Water Wonderland. It's all about the Mitten State.

Some people would have us believe the University of Michigan is a key representative for our State, and many believe that UM Basketball offers a showcase for some of our best players. While that may have been true at one time, those days are gone.

In fact, only ONE PLAYER on the Wolverine roster is from Michigan. 14 UM players are not from Michigan, including five from Indiana and two from California.

So that's 1 out of 15, less than 7%. How much of a big deal this may be is up to anybody to decide as they so wish. But the John Beilein program is certainly not a "Michigan-Made Product".

By contrast, nearly half of the Michigan State Men's Basketball Roster is from the State of Michigan.

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Saturday, November 22, 2014

TODAY IN chUMp HISTORY: NOVEMBER 22, 1884

Things haven't been going well for the Michigan Football program. But that doesn't mean Wolverine fans can't enjoy another fine trip down memory lane. If you know someone who roots for UM, take note of this date, as it may provide solace while their current season swirls down the drain.

It was on this date in 1884 that the University of Michigan Rugby Team defeated the Chicago University Club, racking up one of those bazillion so-called football victories that you see written up on blue and yellow t-shirts. (Many decades after the game, they renamed the sport "football" in order to jack-up their all-time wins totals for marketing purposes.)

This was a huge event, drawing some 200 people according to The Chronicle, a weekly newspaper of that era:

Michigan played its second and final game of the season, an 18–10 victory over a Chicago city team reportedly "composed of business men." The Chronicle reported that the Chicago city team was "made up almost wholly of Englishmen who learned to kick shins at the English public schools."

The UM team scored almost immediately, then paused to explain the rules of the game to their opponent. After the game, the Chicago team complained about the uneven field conditions, pointing out that the home team was obviously accustomed to them. Some things never change!

A touchdown was worth four points, while a field-goal was worth six points. There was no forward passing and it was illegal to tackle below the waist. Nevertheless, every time you see an "all-time wins total" for Michigan Football, it includes this game.

This victory clinched an "undefeated season" for UM,

as they finished 2-0. That means 1884 is one of those

"undefeated seasons" that they like to talk about.

So if you see a Wolverine fan looking glum about the 2014 season, why not try to cheer them up with a reminder that only 130 years ago, they took down a collection of English businessmen on a crooked field who had never played by UM rules before. And by Michigan standards, that's counts just the same as beating Ohio State.

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Wednesday, November 19, 2014

MICHIGAN FANS TOTALLY MISSING THE POINT

The Internet is swimming with comments from fans defending their University of Michigan in on-line comment forums on sports media. The Bluebloods are enraged by their school football team! They don't like their precious "on-field product", and they're increasingly upset about their "off-field antics". Maybe Frank Clark was the straw that broke the camel's back.

There are a few Green Guys & Gals who chime-in on the Wolverine comment threads, and they mostly just pick on UM for one problem or another. They don't generally say anything directly about Michigan State, though many identify their affiliation clearly through their icon. Most of them are pretty close on facts and stats, and they are sort of rubbing it in their faces.

Invariably, the Michigan faithful will take shots at MSU, hitting whatever perceived weakness(es) they can identify. In some cases, their points are accurate. But they all basically fall back on the claim that "this-or-that happens everywhere". Many commenters cite situations at other schools, and they frequently reference Spartan history in their viewpoints. But again, it always comes down to the key point that "this-or-that-happens-everywhere".

This is where they totally miss their own point. They are posting comments that prove what we've been saying for years; that Michigan is just about like any other similar place, with some good things and people, and not-so-good things and people. They are not "different", they are about the same.

Stuff happens everywhere, including at UM.

These Michigan supporters posting their comparisons

to other schools are proving that their school

is about the same as so many others.

We appreciate the reminders we keep reading on-line from the Yellow Faithful that their school is so similar to so many others in so many negative ways. So much for the "Michigan Difference".

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Monday, November 17, 2014

ONCE TOAST-OF-THE-TEAM, NOW JUST "TOAST"

Okay, so much for FRANK CLARK. Less than two weeks ago, he was heralded as one of the great seniors on the Michigan Football team, even helping fill-in for Brady Hoke on a television show when Hoke was unavailable. (Was Hoke on a recruiting trip?)

Now Clark is "lunch-meat", tossed aside like two-day-old bread at Panera's. Buh-bye, Frankie.

Did you notice how Hoke announced on Sunday night that he would "respect the legal process" in Clark's case, then came back Monday morning to announce that Clark has been kicked off the team? Some sign of respect. I guess that's how Hoke treats one of his many "sons".

"We are aware of the report involving Frank Clark," Hoke said. "I have not spoken with Frank but will at the appropriate time. We will respect the legal process and make any decisions once we have the facts." -MLive.com, November 17, 2014

Apparently, the "appropriate time" means after Clark has already been kicked off the team. Okay, I suppose he could call that "appropriate".

Anyway, the case blew-up so fast the Wolverine Spin Machine will have people asking, "Frank Who?" by this Saturday afternoon. They'll claim it's "old news" by next week. They will ask us to quit looking so far into the past. Then they will claim they hold the all-time wins record in college football.

So before the next chunk of whatever hits the proverbial fan, let's review a few points about the actual behavior of Michigan football players in the recent past.

MICHIGAN FOOTBALL PLAYER CRIME REPORT

October 24, 2014

TAYLOR LEWAN: POSTER-BOY FOR UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN SPORTS

March 22, 2014

FEDERAL INVESTIGATION INTO MICHIGAN

FOOTBALL PROGRAM IS NOW UNDERWAY

February 25, 2014

UM RAPE SCANDAL MAKES THE PAGES OF SPORTS ILLUSTRATED

February 18, 2014

THE BRENDAN GIBBONS CASE:

HOW THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN VIOLATED FEDERAL LAW

February 12, 2014

BRENDAN GIBBONS COULD BE FORMALLY

CHARGED WITH RAPE AT ANY TIME IN THE FUTURE

February 6, 2014

2013 "chUMp-of-the-Year" FINALIST PROFILE: TAYLOR LEWAN

January 17, 2014

TAYLOR LEWAN AUDITIONS FOR CAGE-FIGHTING CAREER AFTER FOOTBALL

December 24, 2013

MICHIGAN FOOTBALL IS THE DIRTIEST TEAM IN AMERICA

December 3, 2013

MICHIGAN FOOTBALL SUSPENDS ANOTHER PLAYER

November 1, 2013

HERE COME THOSE DIRTY WOLVERINES

October 29, 2013

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Sunday, November 16, 2014

FRANK CLARK IS ONE OF MANY MICHIGAN PLAYERS ARRESTED UNDER BRADY HOKE

Looks like Michigan football player FRANK CLARK is back in jail again. This is a breaking news story, so watch M-Live and the Freep for updates as it develops.

Clark is one of many UM players to keep playing after getting arrested under the leadership of Coach Brady Hoke. We recently compiled a list of those players for your review:

Michigan Football Player Arrests

During Brady Hoke Era

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Friday, November 14, 2014

BEILEIN CRAPS OUT ON RECRUITING TRAIL

FOR THE UPDATED TEXT OF THIS ARTICLE

PLEASE CLICK HERE

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Thursday, November 13, 2014

MICHIGAN BASKETBALL SIGNS ZERO RECRUITS

Michigan Basketball Coach John Beilein has stepped out-of-the-box again. The ingenious innovator who took power-forwards out of his game-concept, and dropped interior passing in favor of bombing away from long-distance, has offered a new way to approach recruitment of players.

Yesterday was National Signing Day in college basketball, and Beilein did not sign-up any players to play for UM in the Class of 2015. You read it right, zero players have signed to play for the Wolverines next season. Zilch, nada, the null-set.

Perhaps the old coach got tired of the recruiting trail, choosing to sign six players last year, and apparently deciding that was enough to carry his team forward without any new blood in the 2015 class.

It's an unprecedented move, as no major programs have ever been known to leave a class totally empty, at least not on purpose. Michigan State has added as few as two players in a class, but never zero.

In case you were wondering why you haven't heard much about the Michigan Basketball recruiting class of 2015, now you know the reason why!

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Wednesday, November 12, 2014

WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES MAKING FUN OF UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN "FOOTBALL"

We got a reader comment last week that suggested we were being a bit too harsh on the Michigan Wolverines. JIM LAKELAND said we should turn our focus to other schools, like Ohio State, or maybe Wisconsin or Nebraska. He said UM was now "irrelevant" and we should probably back off on our scrutiny.

But we're not alone! Many other people have been Wolverine-bashing, including former players from that very program. Who can forget the comments made by Desmond Howard, after visiting a Michigan football practice earlier this season? He basically said they looked awful, like nobody cared about being the best they could be. And he used to wear the Princeton Helmet.

Then a few days ago, former player Larry Foote opened his mouth and criticized the soft players he sees on game days wearing the striped helmets. Foote plays in the National Football League, so he should know what he's talking about.

We're here for one main reason only, to show the world what's TRUE about the University of Michigan, sharing information that is real, but also really hard to find anywhere else. We're much more based in FACTS than opinions, but former UM players are sharing their opinions openly these days.

Our final offering today comes from a professional, neutral entity called 247sports. We found this link in the comment thread of an article about Wolverine football on M-Live. It's a video montage of plays from the Michigan-Northwestern game last weekend, and it was intended to be funny. (And by "funny", we mean "pathetic".) So, click on the link below, and enjoy the show!

The Offensive Ineptitude of

Michigan-Northwestern Set to Music

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Tuesday, November 11, 2014

THE WORST VIEWS OF MICHIGAN FOOTBALL COME FROM MICHIGAN FANS THEMSELVES

Every so often, we get accused of being "too rough" on Michigan. Hard to believe, no? After all, this web site exists for that primary purpose. Still, at times, some folks can't take it and claim we're being altogether too mean to that school.

Okay, we're harsh at times, but it's a truth-based harshness, not mindless trash-talk. We even invented the name "chUMps" to take the place of the more nasty terminology that was going around a few years ago. Plus, when did anybody ever call-out the weasels for all of their nonsense? (Besides us and Mark Dantonio.)

We feel the pain of Wolverines International, but only because we hear them talking about it. That's right, it's they who do the real crap-job on themselves, and we just read about it in the sports media. So this week, we thought it was time to share.

The comments below are from self-described UM fans who posted on an M-Live article headlined, "Michigan now playing with nothing to lose as bowl eligibility the only prize left in 2014". We thought it was best at this point to let the Wolverine fans speak for themselves. Enjoy!

"Ann Arbor Pioneer could possibly devise a plan to stop the U-M offense the way it is playing currently."

-TulsaTom

"Shoot, Tom, the Pioneers could play their base defense throughout the game and still hold U-M's offense to less than 300 yards total offense."

-fritter

"As much as I like Brady Hoke and wanted him to succeed, this has been two years of the worst football I've ever seen. If the defense weren't playing decently, I can't imagine how depressing it would be ever since the Akron game last year."

-CO Wolverine Fan

"Let's be realistic here, Michigan isn't going to beat OSU. Right now, OSU is varsity and Michigan is middle school."

-blusouth

"Winning or losing next two games is no longer important."

-michigan67

"There's nothing left in terms of "fixes" or excuses. It's unfortunately obvious that this coaching staff can't get it done, and that Nuss's hiring did not help, not in terms of scoring or DG's development (or tailoring the offense to his strengths)."

-Blueroses

"Did you watch that game Saturday night with OSU's freshman QB throwing laser beams all over the place? Compare that to the putrid performance of our 5th year senior QB and you know we have no chance against Ohio."

-UofM1976

"Hoke's fate was decided weeks ago. If there was any question about his fate it ended when Brandon was fired.....cough cough, resigned. Even if UM was to beat OSU, Hoke is gone, and the chances of winning at OSU are slim and none, and slim just left."

-Jeff Fire Hoke AND Brandon

"Hokes fate was sealed after the ND drubbing as far as I'm concerned. He's dead in the water and the whole team knows it."

-SlimSowders

"Michigan just needs to lose Brady Hoke and this entire coaching staff. Now that the idiot that hired a coach with a losing coaching record, in the MAC no less, is gone, Michigan can get an AD with a clue and hire a coach who is a proven winner."

-PhoenixWolverine

"I will possibly be buried in a maize and blue casket but part of me wants Urban Meyer (who I pretty much despise) to turn the heat up as high as it will go against Michigan so everyone can realize what Coach Flintstone has done to the team. Aside from the obvious physical likeness, Flintstone is a good name for BH because basically has the team playing a pre-historic brand of football. They have gone nowhere with Devin "Dino" Gardner at the helm yet BH keeps calling his number 98 (whose idea was that again?). It's all such a mess."

-Dean Colovas

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Sunday, November 9, 2014

THE IDENTITY OF MICHIGAN'S "TRUE RIVAL" WAS REVEALED ON SATURDAY NIGHT

Many Michigan football fans have been living in a state of denial regarding the nature of their "true rival", especially during the Mark Dantonio Era. They always want to claim that only Ohio State (or sometimes, Notre Dame) is their "Rival", while Michigan State is just another game on their schedule.

Now that MSU and OSU played a game with virtually equal circumstances for both teams, we have a litmus-test to ascertain the identity of UM's "true rival". Any Wolverine fan who sees the Buckeyes as their rival MUST HAVE been rooting for the Spartans in that game.

If any Michigan fans you know admit they were happy to see Ohio State win, you've got them, once and for all. So be sure to ask them who they rooted for. Or if they give you a mouthful of gas about MSU losing the game, be sure to tell them you appreciate knowing that Sparty is their true nemesis, not Brutus.

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CONGRATULATIONS TO THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY FOOTBALL TEAM

On behalf of this web site, and for those in Spartan Nation, we would like to offer our CONGRATULATIONS to the Ohio State football team for their convincing victory over Michigan State on Saturday night.

It was a well-played game, with little to no controversy. The officials called lots of penalties accurately, they might have missed one or two on both sides, but they did not determine the outcome of the game.

The winner of this game was determined on the field, and it was clear to see that the better team won the game. It appears that the Buckeyes are the best team in the conference.

We would also like to wish the best to OSU in their season-ending game in Columbus later this month. We hope to see them play as hard and with as much focus against Michigan as they did against MSU. We expect Ohio State to win their next two games, and we will then root for them to open a can of whoop-ass on the other team from this state.*

Spartan fans have already been commended for sportsmanship on campus and in the stadium during the game. Let's continue the trend of good behavior, for there is no reason to hate on a team just because they beat you on the field. After all, Spartans and Buckeyes have a common "enemy".

*Unless OSU loses one of the next two games, and MSU has already won their remaining games at the time Michigan plays Ohio State. In that case, and in that case only, we may choose to root for UM, as it would represent an assured and direct benefit to the Spartans. If Michigan State is scheduled to play Penn State AFTER the OSU-UM game is over, we will certainly be rooting for Brutus against the Weasels.

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TODAY IN chUMp HISTORY: NOVEMBER 9, 1889

We all know at least one Michigan fan who really believes that his or her favorite team holds the "all-time wins record" in college football. Plenty of t-shirts to prove it, too. (If you read something on a t-shirt, it must be true, right?)

This is another big day in UM "Football" history, since it was on this date in 1889 that the pre-Wolverines handed those boys from Albion College another gridiron lesson. (Perhaps without the gridiron.) The final score was 33-4, though nobody can explain how those point totals were determined. Seems like Albion must have had one touchdown, since those were worth four points back then. Either way, rack it up and roll it into the total, and today's Michigan fans count them all as one equal victory.

But there was no head coach, and no Michigan Stadium, and no Big Ten, and no forward passing. The players didn't wear numbers, and tackling below the waist had just been legalized. The most common offensive play was the "flying wedge", a system that was later banned by President Theodore Roosevelt. And that happened 30 years before the NCAA began tracking football as a sport.

It must be either Voodoo Economics or Fuzzy Math that gets them to their exaggerated win totals. Or maybe they're just counting Rugby scrimmages as football games.

Let's all agree that the University of Michigan was

rugby champion of the 1800s, or at least the 1880s.

Cornell and the Chicago University Club beat them by a combined score of 86-0 later that same (three-game) season. So this lone victory stands as the shining point of light in the season of 1889. A day to remember for all Michigan fans everywhere.

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