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Thursday, October 31, 2013


We've reached the end of another month, this one marked by the splash of fall colors mixed with plenty of rain on the final day. In honor of Halloween, we remember one of the most famous witches ever, as we ask the age-old question: "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who was the biggest chUMp of them all?"

This was a surprisingly quiet month on the chUMp front, nothing like September. Last month was like a never-ending episode of "chUMps gone wild" by comparison to October. But, as always, there are some chUMps worth mentioning, based on their actions and words this month, not just their prior reputation.

So let's start with the Dishonorable Mentions for October, including the following notable chUMps:

  • Lloyd Carr: The old coach was blurry about why he ever "retired", but he said his memory of the 2001 game was crisp and clear. He thinks there was a fraction of a second to argue about in that game, but he forgets the 2008 game when the UM Replay Official actually gave seven points to Michigan on an incorrect application of the rules. Besides, Lloyd acted so indignant on the day Gary Moeller was fired, then took his job a few days later. Carr is definitely a chUMp.
  • Frank Beckmann: Speaking of another "Michigan Man" who is "retiring", the old codger tried to make fun of MSU for not winning a national championship since the 1950s, when his team counts "national championships" from before the NCAA started tracking football. That just dUMb, Frankie. You're a chUMp.
  • A.J. Williams: Here's a current player on the Michigan team who gets popped for DUI during MSU week, so he got suspended for the game this weekend. What a dork, eh? He's earning his skunkbear stripes, so we'll call him a chUMp.

But the biggest award each month goes to the individual who most epitomizes the rich culture of chUMpdom. And this month, the whiner is.........


Here's a guy who was pulled over for running a stop sign, booked for drunk driving, and pleaded guilty to a DUI just before August camp started in 2012, drawing a team suspension and messing up the start to his junior season. And now he's back. And yapping.

Fitzy No Saint must have attended the Mike Hart School of Bigmouth Blabbering during all of his free time. He actually decided that MSU Week was the right time to call Spartan Nation "Little Brother". Apparently, he just couldn't help himself. When Hart hyper-extended his pie-hole, he was actually done playing Michigan State; he didn't have to face us again. But Fitzy is coming over to our house on Saturday afternoon, so he chose a very clever time to call our team names.

Turns out he was previously caught driving with a suspended license, but that was when he was a freshman oh-so-many-years-ago (2010). Funny thing is, his DUI was caught on tape and posted for all to see, here, and here, and here.

He may be a Blue Saint to some, but he's the
chUMp-of-the-month to us, and we are very
much looking forward to seeing him in the game
on Saturday, hopefully with the football in his hands.

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