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Monday, October 29, 2012


Michigan Football Coach Brady Hoke has finally come out of the closet and declared his undying love for Michigan State and all things green. Hoke said he decided to open his heart on the matter as MSU prepares to play Nebraska.

The Cornhuskers are tied with UM for the division lead after beating them last weekend on the strength of a festive second half in Lincoln. This leaves Hoke and his chUMps looking for help from somebody else to beat Nebraska.

When asked about the situation, Hoke spoke like a man on a mission.

"Here at Michigan, we do things the Michigan way. We expect Michigan Men to act like Michigan Men because we're at Michigan. This is Michigan, so we play like Michigan Men and we root for Michigan. And this week, that means rooting for Michigan State."

Hoke was asked about his own pedigree as a self-proclaimed "Michigan Man".

"Well I've always been a Michigan Man, ever since I was born in Ohio. My Michigan roots go back to my college football days, when I played for Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana. And I continued my deep involvement with Michigan as a young coach, when I held jobs in Ohio, Indiana, and Oregon. Heck, I even coached at Grand Valley and Western Michigan, both of which are schools in Michigan.

"Let's put it this way. I coached at the University of Michigan for seven years and then left for the job at Ball State, my beloved alma mater. How much more of a Michigan Man could there be then me?"

When asked about the possibility that perhaps Glenn Shembechler may have been more of a "Michigan Man" than himself, Hoke quickly accepted the suggestion.

"Oh, of course Bo was the ultimate Michigan Man, having graduated from Miami University. Plus, Bo coached at Ohio State, not once but twice, and that's pretty much the pinnacle in the career of any Michigan Man."

Hoke added that he has always felt a strong emotional connection to Sparty.

"Personally, I love the big fella'. He always seems to look the same, no matter what else is happening around him. Plus, I love his wardrobe. We don't have anything like Sparty down here."

Hoke said if he could speak directly to Sparty, he would urge him on to victory.

"That's right, I might as well be Biggie frickin' Munn this week, rooting for MSU as if my life depended on it. Or at least my season. Which it does.

"I plan to leave our game early in the second half so I can get a good place to watch the Spartan game with a big tub of popcorn. And some double-cheese meat-lovers pizza, with maybe a dozen Krispy Kremes. There's no need for me to be on the field in the second half, since I don't do anything besides strut around without headphones. Besides, if Denard doesn't play, we're toast.

"Heck, I might just skip that stupid road trip to Minnesota so I can party with Sparty. What the heck is there to do in Minneapolis, anyway? Ask Sparty if he can get me some tickets to the big game, okay?"

Also see: Brady Hoke, Sparty Stalker

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  1. See? I told you so!

    I also heard that Mark Hollis has scheduled a press conference to announce a Red-Out for Saturday's game in support of fans's effort to pull ole Red right on through so chUMps can't sniff Indy.

    You made my Day SM82!

  2. We had them stopped again. A ten point lead with 7 minutes on the clock. I thought it was enough. Perhaps the offense could put a 14 point spot on the board by the middle of the fourth quarters against NW and Minny. If not, we could be looking at a five point lose to go with the 1, 2, 3, and 4 point losses in conference. CHAMPS Bowl against Baylor, West Virginia, Texas Tech, Oklahoma State, Iowa State or TCU. I think I'd rather see the Cowboys host the Eagles in December.

  3. Well, that game was tough to take. That's the third loss due to out inability to run the ball when everyone knows we are going to run the ball. You'd think we would do something other than run it off tackle when we had proven that the only time that was successful was when there was at the threat of a pass. You think a mis-direction run play or end-around or even a reverse - anything but a straight up run play when we are down to back ups to the back ups on the O-Line! The only good thing about how that game turned out is that it kept the chUMps out of first place! -Doug


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