MICHIGAN STATE BASKETBALL "SENIOR DAY" TO BE PRE-EMPTED BY JIM HARBAUGH SHOW

The Michigan State Basketball team will play its "Senior Day" game against Ohio State on Saturday, featuring Denzel Valentine, Bryn Forbes, Matt Costello, and Colby Wollenman. But plans to televise the game have been changed.

The television coverage has been switched to Jim Harbaugh, "America's Favorite Sociopath", after his announcement about his daily schedule for the weekend. Turns out Harbaugh will be paying a visit to Tim Horton's, reportedly for coffee and a donut, and the self-styled media event was too much for the network to resist. Hence, the change in plans.

We previewed the "Jim Harbaugh Show" last year before its debut, and it has been setting all kinds of viewership records. This weekend special will include not only the coffee and donut experience; it will continue with daily coverage as Harbaugh makes a trip to Meijer for some groceries.

The three-part mini-series will continue when the "Khardashian of Coaches" heads home to do his wife's bidding for the rest of the day. Harbaugh has been outspoken about his commitment to follow his wife's orders about anything and everything while in the house. So his wife, whatever her name is, will be the focal point of the third episode.

A last-second effort to reverse the coverage switch was foiled when Harbaugh declined to serve as color commentator during the game. Network officials considered moving forward with the game coverage if Harbaugh agreed to work as a court-side reporter and put on a show at half-time. But Mr. Harbaugh said that Mrs. Harbaugh wanted her own episode, and since he was home when talking to the network about the idea, he deferred to the little lady.

Some viewers may be disappointed to miss out on the Spartan Seniors in their last Breslin Center appearance, but network executives are adamant that they must "follow the eyeballs" with their programming decisions. They say focus-group surveys have shown that more people are interested in watching the Michigan Football Coach make faces into the camera and give a stream-of-consciousness speech about himself than nearly any other subject.

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ELSEWHERE:  In related news, the online porn industry will be switching to Harbaugh videos to replace the previously popular sex action clips that have dominated the Internet for the past two decades. Porn moguls claim that clips of Harbaugh, saying and doing absolutely anything, will replace all forms of American entertainment within the next five years, and they seek to be on the front edge of the movement.

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